November 10, 2014 – Monday
I gained 12 over last winter and have lost 8-9 of it. 
but I’m soooo stuck. I know a few little very minor habits have snuck back in, but short of going on proana sites for tricks, I’m stumped. Even the liquid diets, preop diet, super low calories, et cetera, don’t work anymore. I canceled my last appt but I’m thinking I need to reschedule. Last time I was there he wanted to look at re-sleeving or doing a VSG2RNY conversion. I initially said HECK NO! Emphatically. But I’m starting to consider it….
I’m mostly just trying to change my mindset. I would like to get away from obsessively logging food, especially when it’s literally NOT WORKING. I have been trying to take the bodybuilding route. Lift heavy, eat the right foods. Focus on losing fat (visually) and F the #’s. I’m so over this dieting BS, I cant even begin to tell you. I’m sick of being fat, of having the medical community calling me fat because my BMI is still 33, of feeling like a failure/loser because I had bariatric surgery and still am considered “obese” almost 2 years later, of being sick, dizzy, tired, and feeling ill…. I cannot say it enough… I truly wish I had NEVER HAD THIS SURGERY. Because now I can’t even eat HEALTHY foods like veggies and fruits. I’m over it. Changing the game.
I work out regularly. I definitely nibble on crackers/chips, but its usually to help my stomach digest the “healthy” foods. I’m not sure why but when the protein wont go down, 2-3 salty chips or crispy crackers seem to settle everything. Makes no sense, but it keeps me from vomiting every meal I try to eat, so I’m stuck in this cycle.
I also have issues with fluids. I can normally drink quite a bit, so long as it is not straight water. Cold water especially causes giant issues. I am regularly borderline dehydrated. And… I crave sugar when I’m dehydrated. I also crave it with PMS (which I NEVER had when I was morbidly obese!), and if I eat a little, like seriously…one choc covered raisin…I will crave straight sugar for days. It’s worse than nicotine.
At this point, I am frustrated. Actually, I’m not even sure if “frustrated” is a proper way to describe what I’m feeling. “DONE” might be better.
Surviving My Sleeve 